Tuesday, May 09, 2006 @Tuesday, May 09, 2006
With tears streaming down my cheeks,I look around and wonder why I'm still here...Why am I still here when there is no reason for life let a lone love....My mind destests the tears...But yet my heart welcomes them...The brokenness that is within me is unexplainable.There are no words in the the world that can describe the brokenness that I feel deep within me.
Yet though my heart has been broken,my spirit hasn't. I know I can carry on. I know that there is no joy in ending my life. But what my heart seeks now is someone who will care for me as much as I care for them. You used to be that person but now I see that all this while you've been shreading my heart into so many pieces that even I don't know how to piece it back together. My heart seeks a safe refuge that I is not in sight at the present moment.So little love I feel though I know that I'm surrounded by love and care. I feel helpless as I see the people I care for get hurt. I feel like there is nothing that I can do to make them feel better...Though there is little that can be done, I want to do that little thing to halp get them one step closer to healing...But yet I don't know how to. So all I can do is shead tears for them and for myself.
I've let so many people down...I've let the people who love me and whom I love ever so dearly down in so many different ways...But yet they still love me....And with a contirite heart I shall do my best to achieve anything that will bring joy to them. I no longer want to see people suffer for my wrong doing. I never had any intention of hurting them. But in the spur of a moment it all just started and never stopped.
So once again with no one by my side, I continue to walk the lonely road with a heavy burden on my back.I trudge up the mountain that is in front of me...Trying to survive the tests that have been set before me. So my journey continues....So far no joy...All the pains that I carry along as i walk...And now all i'm looking forward to is seeing the view that has been set for me when I reach the top....