Wednesday, September 30, 2009 @Wednesday, September 30, 2009
We all face that question every day. We don’t know if we should remain true to ourselves or just conform to the standards that society and our environment imposes upon us. We’re not made to blend in with the crowd. Each one of us is an individual; we have so many things that make us different, things far greater and more complicated than just simple genetics. We each have our own idiosyncrasies that help us form who we are and what we stand for. We each behave differently or react differently to a situation because of the way we were raised or the environment that we grew up in and the conditions that we have had to overcome. But that’s what makes us special. That’s why we were born to stand out and be who we are.
So many people in the world just want to blend in because they think that they are not great. But who are they not to be? We were born for greatness. Each person has something great to offer to this world. We can be a voice for someone else who needs the courage to find their own voice, or the heart that someone needs to find it within them to love and care again. There is so much that each one of us can do to help someone else realized their greatness, but to do that, we have to realize our own.
I was once afraid of being who I am, and who I was meant to be. But trying to blend in never worked of me. I always spoke differently or carried myself with more confidence than others or wore different clothes or listened to music no one liked. I was always different and when I was younger I didn’t know why it didn’t bother me. I used to think that I was “normal” and the others around me didn’t know what they wanted to do and stuff like that. But the truth of the matter is, we all know what we want deep inside, and we all have the ability to stand on our own and not get lost in a sea of people, it all depends on......
@Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Let the darkness that night brings engulf me. I think I'd prefer the darkness to what I foresee happening. I pray that you'll stay safe. DAMN IT!
GET A GRIP!
Okay, for you people who actually read this stupid thing, I'm not bipolar. Don't worry. I still am sane, at least I think la.
Sunday, September 27, 2009 @Sunday, September 27, 2009
You know, I reallllllly HATE those Twilight books! Eclipse in particular. That book just hits so close to home. New Moon and Eclipse are just...like...most probably the 2 most intense books in the Twilight saga. And yes, I'm talking about those stupid books. Its not the first time I'm reading them, maybe like the 5th time. They're like light reading. Haha.
But yea, you know how the books are written in such a way whereby almost everyone feels they can relate to the characters? Yea, I'm finally getting it.
Its like, for me at least, once you've hurt someone, there's no way you're ever going to forget it. The first thing you think of when you see that person even though you've agreed to put it behind you, is that you've hurt them before and that you just really can't completely forgive yourself for it. I'm there, I've been there. And my friends keep telling me that I should let myself let go and just forget about it, but I can't and I don't know how to. I may act and seem like I have, but I can't forgive myself. As much as it was his fault, it was also mine and I most probably hurt him more than he hurt me and I just can't stand it. My friends who read this will most probably tell me to just get over it, and I know that I should, but knowing something thats good for you and everyone else, and really executing it are two completely different things. Just because you know its the right thing to do doesn't make it easier to carry it out. Sometimes because you can see it, it makes it that much more difficult to accomplish it. You know the consequences, thats why you can't do it. I don't know why I can't forgive myself. I don't know why I'm putting myself and all my close friends through this, but I just can't. I don't know how to. Its like, its my fault and I'll always have to carry it with me.
Gosh, see why I hate the Twilight books. It always just screws me up. Just when I've deluded myself enough into thinking that I'm fine and that I've nothing let keeping me down, the books just open up the flood gates and now I'm back at square one. DAMN IT!!!!!
Friday, September 18, 2009 @Friday, September 18, 2009
Freda's been a zombie since her school hols started.
She goes to work early in the morning, and comes home in the evening.
She gets home and all she wants to do is sleep, but no, she usually has practice or some other random rehearsal or lesson to attend.
And when she gets home after that, all she reallly reallly wants to do, is just die.
So excuse me if I lack coherency or emotional depth. I barely seem to be able to type properly actually. I just had to like spell check whatever I've typed out thus far.
My thoughts are in a mess, I'm too tired to sort through everything thats been going on or everything and anything that people have been telling me. I'm kinda void of any sympathy whatsoever. So if I seem like a heartless bitch every now and then, please excuse me. Better yet!! Tell me to go home and sleep!!!
So yea, on top of work and everything else, I'm way behind on the paper I'm supposed to be done with by the 5th of October. This is just so fucking fantastic laaa. Damn!
Yea, I've got a lot of pent up anger and issues. I think it comes with being too nice for like a superbly long time.
Oh vells, Freda is done with whatever she has to say and thinks that things were simpler when she was in Texas. She misses her cousin and the fairy tale life in which she lived in for a very brief moment in time.
Monday, September 07, 2009 @Monday, September 07, 2009
I think I'm starting to accept the fact that my A Cappella group will never live up to my expectations. I see all the other singers I work with in church and can't help but compare, simply because what we do is not so much different from what A Cappella singers should do. We're actually doing less than what A Cappella singers should be doing.
Disappointment's my only friend.
Friday, September 04, 2009 @Friday, September 04, 2009
I seem so lost these days. I really want to listen to what people's got to say, but then again I know that if I let what they say affect the way I think, then its not doing me any good at all. And I've already allowed that once. I listened to the wrong people and it really just got me no where. I don't know. I just feel very confused.