Tuesday, October 31, 2006 @Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The endless nights spent off in a dream
A dream which seems so real
But where everything is cold to the touch
Where all roads lead to no where
A will of a child
Her strength wavering as the winds sing their melodies
Emptiness fills her
As the sound of death knocking on the door fills the air
A time too soon for her to leave
This cold dark world
The world that tarnishes her innocent soul
But yet it seems so unfair
To take away the life that was given to her
So late that she arrived
And not so soon that she must depart
Her will to live is no longer there
Her mind has stopped its horrid nightmares
Now she sees the bright white light
A flame so pure that gives her new life
A lif e of love and hope
But filled with pain and suffering at every corner
Her love will shine through for all the world to see
The heart that was for her to feel
The hope she brings will soar above dark and troubled times
The world will feel what love can do
They will know the strength of a child
I started with a few random lines and ended up becoming this. Its not a song. I don't know what it is. But I know that all this is possible. Just find the right child...Hahaz.
Monday, October 16, 2006 @Monday, October 16, 2006
We see troubled times ahead of us. Times so trying that we feel no love whatsoever around us. But remember this, I will always love you no matter what happens. My love for you will remain strong. You can be sure of it.
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Trials and tribulations of everyday life. Seeing pain on the faces of people that pass me by. Trying to remember the love that we shared. Are we still sharing that same love? Smiles are what i want to see on the faces of those who pass me by. Those who barely notice me...But yet I notice them. The feeling sometimes is so strong that it hurts too much for me to look. Love will overcome all. But yet it is love that causes us much pain.
I don't want to hurt you. But I don't want you to hurt me. No matter what they say, I'll always love you with all of my heart. You mean that much to me. Do you love me the same way?
Thursday, October 12, 2006 @Thursday, October 12, 2006
Story after story. All fake? Or all true? Who knows? Who cares? Love, hate, lies...Hurt. Is that what makes the stories?
Some love till it hurts. Some can't find it within themselves to love someone else other than themselves. I may love you.I may not.I don't even know.
But I know that love is something very powerful. It can keep you safe and warm, or it can tear you apart. So contradicting it may seem. But thats what love is. Everyone has their different perception of love. It can mean so much to one person. And mean nothing to the next.
I know that within me, I have the strenght to love someone until I start getting hurt. Is that person you? Or is everything that I've seen happen before my very eyes just an illusion? I want to believe that you are who you appear to be...But can I truly believe whatever is before my eyes?
Can I just leave everything that I thought meant a lot to be and just be with you...When I don't know if I matter enough to you.
Why does uncertainties about the way I feel fill my mind? Shouldn' t it all be clear to me by now? I thought it was. Maybe I'm wrong.
If i don't know, who does?
Thursday, October 05, 2006 @Thursday, October 05, 2006
So its been quite awhile since I last posted anything in this blog.Don't really know what to write about. Whats there to say?? All I'm doing now is studying, sleeping, waiting for my heart to be broken yet again, being stressed out by the people I care for.
Just all seems so strange. You care for someone so much. But yet you feel so much pain. I know that there is a great possibility that I'll be hurt yet again. But yet I don't wanna walk away from all this. I know what will happen to me if I get hurt. I know how much pain I'll cause the people around me. But yet...I'm still here. Just standing here knowing that I may get hurt. That I eventually will get hurt. I know I'm not blind. Maybe just stupid. Somehow I see things this way and I'm already trying to prepare for the worse to happen to me. I know it may seem silly to some. But the thing is, no matter how much you want to prepare for this, you'll still get hurt. I know that at the end of the day, I'll still get hurt. And when it happens, I know that things will change. In ways that I don't want them to.
I just never learn I guess. Always putting myself out there to get hurt. Most people will just call me stupid. Like I said...Maybe I am. I've been hurt so many times but yet, I still choose to care so much for a person. Sometimes I ask myself why I even bother. The person may not even give a damn about what happens to me and I'll still care for the person with everything I have within me. That I think is one of my greatest downfall. I care to much for people who will end up hurting me. And I just don't understand how I can care so much even when I know that they will hurt me so much. Am I really that stupid?
I've got people who care for me so much telling me to just forget about the person. But yet, I just can't. I can't just stop caring for him and for the others around me. Sometimes they worry me a lot. All I need for them to tell me is that they are okay and mean what they say. Do I really have to care that much for the people around me? I guess I don't have to...I just choose to.
I don't want to be hurt again. But I know that I will. This time it'll hurt the most. And I know it. I can just feel it. I just wrote something this afternoon....
I don't want to cry here tonight
I just want you to say
That you'll love me with all of your heart
Even when the day has ended
Coz I know that things won't stay the same
I know that you will leave
And I know love share tonight
Will just be a memory to you
I've seen the way your heart leaps
Everytime you see the girl
I know that you'll love her
Move that you'll love me
Coz I know that things won't stay the same
I know that you will leave
And I know the love we share tonight
Will just be a memory to you
Thats what I've manage to write so far. So life is not a bed of roses. I think all of us know that. Sometimes life's a bitch. But we still have to live it. Find out what we're here for. Even if it means that we'll have to get hurt along the way.
And I know that no matter how much pain I'll have to go through. I won't stop caring for the people around me. I know that some of them really just need someone to listen to them and to be someone that they know will be there for them no matter what. And I'm that person to many people. Its what I'm here to be.