Friday, March 21, 2008 @Friday, March 21, 2008
I know of only a few things in life
You
Me
Our love
And love itself
None complete without the other
But yet so complete it hurts
Seeking its solace in another
My solace is gone
You were my solace
You were my comfort
You were my help
You are my love
You left me standing here
All alone once again
I watch your back
As you walk away once again
I scream and shout
And beg you to stay
But you turn a deaf ear
To my pleas and cries
You turned around
You saw my face
You saw the tears I wept
And still you walked away
I gathered myself
I told myself
A strong front you must put on
I wiped my tears away
And walked away from the memories.
The poem written above is evidence of what happens to a mind like mine once school gets boring. I wrote that last year after a fight I had with someone. I really love the poem. Its something that has loads of truth to it. I did walk away from all the memories, it was the only way for me to move on with my life. I know I always say that cherishing the memories will make whatever happened seem less of a mistake. I guess thats just one of my many advice to people that I myself can't swallow. It just wasn't possible for me in that situation. If it were anything different, I would have really cherished every single moment. But I just couldn't. Not for something that meant nothing to the other person.
I watched the sunset
Never to rise again in my life
I fell into the darkness that night brought
I lost the only one I loved
To the setting of the sun
The demise of my love
The demise of your love
The demise of our love
The love that kept me warm
I loved the way our hearts beat as one
How I wish the beats of my heart would just stop
There's no life without you here
I've lost all my meaning
The day your heart stopped beating in time with mine
There's no love with you gone
There's no life without you by my side
There's no world left for me to belong to
No one can ever take your place
Today I sit here and let the darkness engulf me
It swallows me whole
It fills my very soul
Pushing the light right out of my life
I wonder why the sun has left me
Why my world is now so dark
I am no creature of the dark
I am a creature of the light
Now I fear the world I live in
Now I know my light is gone
Now I see the light in my life
Is you.
I wrote the poem above in my art room one day. While I was in school painting my 'O' Level coursework with my teacher and a few friends. I was watching the sun set and that was when inspiration struck. It was kinda odd because I had no problems then. Things were all smiles with me and someone else. But I was right. We were two very different people. He, the creature of the dark and I was a creature of the light. So contrasting but yet unable to exsit without the other. But he did leave me in the end. I was bitter about it at first, but it was for the best. I moved on and became a stronger person.
If it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have realised that all my life there was only one person who loved me all this while and whom I loved. He was always there to mend my broken heart. He knows who he is though he doesn't read this page. He's the one I can see a lifetime of love with. I'll always love him with all my heart. There's no doubt about it. I'm not one who toys with peoples hearts.
Monday, March 17, 2008 @Monday, March 17, 2008
Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soilders tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
The man condemned to die on Calvary
He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon his back
And he wore a crown of thorns upon his head
And he bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for his death
Down the Via Dolorosa, called "The Way Of Suffering"
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ The King
But he chose to walk that road out of
His love for you, and me
Down the Via Dolorosa all the way to Calvary
Por la Via Dolorosa, triste dia en Jerusalem
Los soldados le abrian paso a Jesus
Mas la gente se acercaba
Para ver al que llevaba aquella cruz
Por la Via Dolorosa, que es la via del dolor
Como oveja vino Cristo,Rey y Senor
Y fue El quien quiso ir por su amor por ti y por mi
Por la Via Dolorosa al Calvario y a morir
The blood that would cleanse the souls of all men
Made its way through the heart of Jerusalem
Down the Via Dolorosa called "The Way Of Suffering"
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ The Kind
But he chose to walk that road out of
His love for you and me
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008 @Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Do you know of a feeling that overwhelms your entire being everytime you talk to that one guy? Apparently, I've known that same feeling for the past 4 years. And its always the same guy. Besides the male in my family and God himself, he's the only guy who has always been there. Its kinda weird really. We spent our whole lives flirting around each other. But never got into anything worth committing ourselves to. Maybe its got to do with the fact that he's in another country.
Even so, that one guy, with one word can change the way I feel about loads of things. He has this hold over me thats so strong, that I can't break free from. Call it what you want. Most call it love. I call it stupidity. But yet when I'm going through hell - sometimes caused by him - he's the one who cheers me up and makes me feel better. Maybe he's just some huge sweet talker. Able to charm his way into every girl's good books. This guy is the other one who can play me hot and cold. And I HATE that feeling. Like I've got no control over it.
It really makes me wonder why I still let him do it to me. It makes me wonder what it is that I'm missing. I've been down that road before. The road of love that just didn't work for me and him. I got my heart ripped to shreds. And he helped me put it all back together again. And I forgave him. I know a love him, but as what? A friend? Or more than that? Don't get my wrong, I'm over the moon with the fact that I've been single for so long. But I really wonder, what it'll be like to be in a lasting relationship. It doesn't mean that I'm gonna marry the guy I make my boyfriend, but would it be different from me casually dating all the other guys I've dated? This guy whom I seem so drawn to, could be the one person I decide should be worthy of even being considered my boyfriend, but I know that he'll cheat on me, I know we'll fight a lot. But somehow, I'm willing to go through all that just to know that I've at least tried. So I won't have to wonder what if. So I've got the perfect song actually!
Teardrops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing, everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can't he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She's better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the lights
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough for me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.