Thursday, November 30, 2006 @Thursday, November 30, 2006
I used to be my daddy's little girl. Maybe I still am. I'd do anything to remain his little girl. I'd do anything for him to talk to me. Or even look at me. He taught me so much about life. He was the one who taught me to be strong willed. He taught me to live life the right way. He taught me to be observant. He taught me so much about me world. About the way life was. He always took the time to explain to me the way people behaved and why. He thought me so many things that no one else would be able to.
I never wanted to hurt him. Or make him sad or angry. If anything I only wanted to return the love that was shown to me. I don't deserve to be loved so much. Not with the way my life is. Its not fair to them. Its not fair to my dad. All he ever did was love me...Even when I pushed him away. He's given me everything I've ever wanted and more.
Christmas is coming. And my only wish is for my dad to talk to me. I want things to go back to the way they were. I want my dad to look at me. And not avoid me. I love my daddy. Although I may not say it to him, I really do.
@Thursday, November 30, 2006
Daddy take me with you
I promise I'll be good
Daddy, this is next time
And momma said I could
Sittin' in the front seat ridin' down town
An icecream cone I'd rap him around
My little finger
Tighter then my baby could
You can make a tear go a long long way
When you're daddy's little girl
Well he tightened my bike chain from 7 to 13
Taught me to drive when I was a wild thing
Reached and he prayed while I made some mistakes
That I wouldn't have made if I'd have done it his way
Now he hugs me when he sees me
We talk about the past
He tries to give me money
And I try and give it back
He's a book of advice
More then I need
The look in his eyes is saying to me
Let me help you all I can
While I'm still in this world
What will you do when you're daddy's gone
And you're daddy's little girl
There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven
And she's daddy's little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus
And I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses
With her momma there
Stickin' little white flowers
All up in her hair
Walk me down the isle daddy
It's just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty daddy?
Daddy don't cry
With all that I've done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning
And butterfly kisses for life
What'll I do when my daddy's gone
Wednesday, November 29, 2006 @Wednesday, November 29, 2006
I never wanted you to find out this way. It wasn't the way I planned it to happen. I never wanted to hurt you. Do you understand how much he's been there for me? We were friends before anything else... He was my friend when I liked someone else. And he still is. Its not like I went ahead and did something stupid. What was so wrong? It was all so innocent. I really care about him. But we're not together. We're not ready to be. You don't have to worry. I'm not that stupid.
I'm so afraid. I don't know what to do. I knew that it would happen sooner or later. But I never expected it to happen this way. I never wanted to be the one crying or the one hurting you. Or hurting him. I never wanted to bother anyone.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006 @Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Just thinking about how things have changed for me this year. How I've come from liking someone who doesn't like me....To loving someone whom I really love. All the sad and depressing stories that I wrote.
Since the day I fell in love with you, my heart n soul has done nothing but soar. With happiness and gladness. It still never ceases to amaze me, that someone could care for me so much. As a new love blossoms, another one ends. So sad but yet true. And now I'm torn between allowing something to start and trying to keep something else alive.
I will always love you even after the sweetness of a young love is gone. You will never lose my love or my friendship. You mean so much to me. Givinig me so much hope in what can be. Showing me that there is so much more to life that what I've already seen. Holding my hand as we journey through this phase of our life. Always being careful not to hurt me.
You've stayed with me when times got rough. You were with me when my heart was slowly breaking. And you were the one who helped me put it back together with love. You've never forced me to do anything I didn't want to. You always understood my reasons even though some of them were stupid. You were never afraid to tell me when I was wrong. And you always showed me a better path than the one I was taking. You've understood the way my heart works. Though there are still parts of it that you want to help me heal. And I will forever be greatful to you for all the help and love that you've showered upon me.
I love you darling :)
Sunday, November 19, 2006 @Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sometimes I wonder if everything you tell me is true. I want so much to believe you. But yet, I fear being hurt once again. What we have now is great. But yet, my heart seems to be ruled by fear. Uncertainties and doubt fills my mind. And sometimes it hurts just because I am too afraid to believe you.
So many times I've been let down. Most people would have thought that I'd be used to it by now. Even I thought that I'd be used to it. But if that were so, I wouldn't have so much fear within me right now. I would have gone about not worrying about if or when you are going to hurt me. You mean so much to me. That sometimes, I fear that I might hurt you.
You are the one person I truly care for the most. I hope you know that. You're always there for me when the days get tough. Always taking care of me coz I never know when to call it quits. And sometimes all I do is make you worry.
I seem so happy now. But yet so sad. Its kinda weird coz its rather confusing. Its like I don't know what I'm feeling.
I love you.
Thursday, November 02, 2006 @Thursday, November 02, 2006
Why don't you want to tell me whats going through your mind? I know somethings bothering you. Why don't you want to tell me? You said that you didn't want to hurt me. I know you don't. But you don't know how much it hurts when I have to see you go through everything and I'm unable to help you because I don't know whats going on with you. I know I don't tell you much. But you should know why. Not unless you really need me to tell you why I keep so much to myself.
You don't know that I love you do you? Many can see that. But you can't. Many know how much I care for you. How much I want to be near you but circumstances keeps me from you. Hopefully one day you'll see how much I care for you. I don't know how you feel about me, but I hope that you know how much I really love you.
I'm so afraid of being hurt. But yet I'm making myself vulnerable coz I know with all the walls I put up, I'll never be able to love you.
I'm so confused right now. You don't know that.
I hope you know who you are. And I hope that now you understand how much you mean to me.