Sunday, November 30, 2008 @Sunday, November 30, 2008
You know that I really do give a damn about you. And I'm trying my hardest not to just give up on you the way so many others have because I promised you that I wouldn't, and I intend to keep that promise. But if you don't let me in, I can't help. You don't know how useless I feel as a friend right now. I don't know what to do or say to make you feel any better. And I know that there's close to nothing that I can do, but its not completely nothing that I can do, there is something and I don't know what it is because I no longer know how to help. I'm so tired and drained by all the drama that's going on. I just want you to be happy again, why don't you understand that when you're sad, I am too? You want someone to care for you, I am someone who actually gives a damn about whats happening to you. And honestly I don't think that I deserve to be treated this way. After today I really feel like crap. And you just don't get it. You're so self centered sometime and you take advantage of how much I care for you.
I just don't know how much more I can give before I don't have anything left to give. And the reason why I'm doing this is because I promised to be your friend, and I'd sacrifice no less for you than I have for others. I just don't know how much before I reach the breaking point. Then maybe you'll get your wish of seeing me die a bloody death.
And the worse part about this is, you don't even know its about you.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008 @Wednesday, November 19, 2008
The days have been trying. Its not really easy being the person I am. Its not that I don't like who I am, its just tough to live up to the expectations that have already been set. People expect me to have good grades, be continuously great at singing, to be able to help them run errands, do be able to stomach everyone's personality issues and so much more, that now, I'm just so sick and tired of it all. It all seems too much to me. My grades are dropping because what I enjoy or rather used to enjoy doing is really becoming toooo tiring and being sick doesn't help either. I feel like a lousy friend, sister, daughter, choir member etc. I just feel plain lousy.
Having a love life is like the last thing on my mind right now. Its just not really a time for me to have a boyfriend or be in love or anything silly like that. I just don't get it.