Friday, June 23, 2006 @Friday, June 23, 2006
Isn't it weird how even when you've gotten your heart broken numerous of times because of love, we still find it in ourselves to love again? Or when our hearts have been bruised and battered by life, we still go on living? Why do we but ourselves through all that pain and suffering?
I know that loving someone has a certain amount of joy in it...But when it comes to and end it hurts much more than we expected it to. And then you greif the loss of love and then you place your heart out there to get battered by life and then you go back to love so that it can be broken then you mend it again and you repeat the same thing. Over and over again you do the same thing to your heart and you just never realise it. I never realised it until i started writing this post.
We really are creatures of habit. We want to break the chain but are unable to. I just don't understand.
I think this post would make ppl who are older than me who think I'm wiser than them realise that I'm just a child seeking answers. Answers that I don't seem to be able to find. Which makes me go round and round in circles like a fool trying to search for them.
Monday, June 12, 2006 @Monday, June 12, 2006
So its been awhile...And I guess I'm back to being my depressing self...Its just that there are some things in this life that I really find hard to comprehend and its difficult for me to share them with people I know...Mainly its because most of the people I know are the people that I've been trying so hard to help and they are mainly the people who see me as this child who knows too much for her age.
There are so many things that I know that I'll just have to figure out on my own...But why does it always have to hurt so much before I take something from it? Like when you really love someone....Most of the time...At least of me...You never realise what you've got till its gone...And once its gone its not as easy to carry on and you start regretting or you just become super angry and everything gets disrupted...But the pain just never seems to go away...Everytime you feel like everythings alright, the pain just comes back and you have to start from the beginning all over again.
And when you find someone whom you really really like,and you really wanna care for them with all you've got, the memories of what once happened comes back to haunt you and you pull back...And you never know what could have happened....And it only gets worse if the person cares just as much for you as you do for him...Because then the person might just stop caring and you'll just sit there wondering what the hell just happened....How did you manage to lose someone so important to you and how you never realised that the person really cared for you.
Its just all so confusing....
Thursday, June 08, 2006 @Thursday, June 08, 2006
Why are you leaving us now? At the time when we need you the most....What you're doing isn't right. Sure we all fall down at times and some find it harder to get up as compared to others. We're all here to help you up. We're all here to catch you if you were to fall...You know that I will never leave you alone when you need me. Sure you're going though some tough times...But all of us will stick with you through it all.
Don't you see how much you leaving us will hurt us all? You've seen us all cry. If need be we will talk to the people who want you to leave us. We'll show them how much we need you and how precious you are to us even if you yourself don't see it.
It hurts me even more because all my life I've had people walking out of my life. Leaving me alone in this world. And to see someone else whom I've just gotten to know just proves how unfair things are in this world. We want so much for you to stay...But yet you have to go away....The irony of life...
@Thursday, June 08, 2006
I don't want to go back. Not to the way things used to be. It all just hurts too much for me to re live the horrow of what was considered our love. It had such a horrible ending. All I wanted to do is move on and leave everything behind me. There are people more suited for us. Maybe one day we'll find them. But right now we can just forget about what has happened and move on.
Maybe I've found someone who is good for me. But I don't want it to be so. I don't want to ruin the great friendship with something more complicated. Its not worth the risk....Is it?? Everyone seems to think that we're more than just friends. But we're not....Are we??
How did things get so confusing? It this the something that has been lurking in the dark? But what can I do in a situation such as this? Is there anything that can be done? How am I to face you? I don't even know what you think of this whole situation. What do you think we should do? How should we react to this weird accusation? What are they insinuating?
Whyh are things the way they are now? I thought that such confusions have already been banished from my mind. I though that such things whould no longer bother me. How am I to face this? Head on? Or should I just run away and hide? I can't do that. This situation will just cone back to haunt me like its doing so right now. I don't want to avoid this situation. I want to face it. But how do I solve it? Is there a solution to this weird and complicated situation? I need help and guidance to guide me through this dark and confusing time.....
Friday, June 02, 2006 @Friday, June 02, 2006
Things have been looking up...But the tears never seem to stop falling...I'm suffering from nothing tragic...But why doesn't the tears stop? I have so many people around me who care so much...But what's keeping me from telling them the truth about what's going on in my mind? Whats keeping me from telling them the truth? Is it really that difficult? Why do I make myself suffer in silence??
As God painted my life, he added so many wonderful people in my life...People who have always been there and will always be there for me(at least i hope so). But yet my life is filled with such uncertainties. I know what my parents want from me...But yet i'm not willing to work for it.I know that I have no choice in what I want to do with my life coz its being dictated by my parents...And my dreams and aspirations seem to mean nothing to them. I know that I've got what it takes to fulfill my dreams...Everyone else can see it...Just not my parents.
I know the amount of love that surrounds me wherever I go...But yet there's still uncertainties when it comes to some of my friendship ties...Is it all just friends or more than that...Everyone seems to think that its something more...But yet it doesn't seem that way to me...Coz well...I'm me...But why do I allow people to influence my decision making when it comes to sorting out who is just a friend and who is more than a friend?Why??
God...Help my friends through the problems that they are facing...Lead them through the darkness that their in...Help them realise that path that you have laid before them. Amen...
Good night people...