Thursday, October 05, 2006 @Thursday, October 05, 2006
So its been quite awhile since I last posted anything in this blog.Don't really know what to write about. Whats there to say?? All I'm doing now is studying, sleeping, waiting for my heart to be broken yet again, being stressed out by the people I care for.
Just all seems so strange. You care for someone so much. But yet you feel so much pain. I know that there is a great possibility that I'll be hurt yet again. But yet I don't wanna walk away from all this. I know what will happen to me if I get hurt. I know how much pain I'll cause the people around me. But yet...I'm still here. Just standing here knowing that I may get hurt. That I eventually will get hurt. I know I'm not blind. Maybe just stupid. Somehow I see things this way and I'm already trying to prepare for the worse to happen to me. I know it may seem silly to some. But the thing is, no matter how much you want to prepare for this, you'll still get hurt. I know that at the end of the day, I'll still get hurt. And when it happens, I know that things will change. In ways that I don't want them to.
I just never learn I guess. Always putting myself out there to get hurt. Most people will just call me stupid. Like I said...Maybe I am. I've been hurt so many times but yet, I still choose to care so much for a person. Sometimes I ask myself why I even bother. The person may not even give a damn about what happens to me and I'll still care for the person with everything I have within me. That I think is one of my greatest downfall. I care to much for people who will end up hurting me. And I just don't understand how I can care so much even when I know that they will hurt me so much. Am I really that stupid?
I've got people who care for me so much telling me to just forget about the person. But yet, I just can't. I can't just stop caring for him and for the others around me. Sometimes they worry me a lot. All I need for them to tell me is that they are okay and mean what they say. Do I really have to care that much for the people around me? I guess I don't have to...I just choose to.
I don't want to be hurt again. But I know that I will. This time it'll hurt the most. And I know it. I can just feel it. I just wrote something this afternoon....
I don't want to cry here tonight
I just want you to say
That you'll love me with all of your heart
Even when the day has ended
Coz I know that things won't stay the same
I know that you will leave
And I know love share tonight
Will just be a memory to you
I've seen the way your heart leaps
Everytime you see the girl
I know that you'll love her
Move that you'll love me
Coz I know that things won't stay the same
I know that you will leave
And I know the love we share tonight
Will just be a memory to you
Thats what I've manage to write so far. So life is not a bed of roses. I think all of us know that. Sometimes life's a bitch. But we still have to live it. Find out what we're here for. Even if it means that we'll have to get hurt along the way.
And I know that no matter how much pain I'll have to go through. I won't stop caring for the people around me. I know that some of them really just need someone to listen to them and to be someone that they know will be there for them no matter what. And I'm that person to many people. Its what I'm here to be.