Wednesday, December 27, 2006 @Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I remember listening to Heartbreak Lullaby when I was super young. Knowing what it was about but I still couldn't sing it the right way. Hahaz...I guess now after living in this world for 15 yrs...Relating to most songs for me is quite easy. Except about songs which are about leaving home. I guess I've had a taste of almost everything that can possibly happen to someone. And I've had them in minute amounts. So I guess that as I get older, it will all just intensify instead of me experiencing something totally new to me. And for that reason I honestly think that I wasn't made to live a long life. And maybe I am meant to die young. Hahaz...I know its a lil bit weird to be talking about dying when its the Christmas season. Ever since someone asked me how long I would want to live until, I kept thinking what I was meant to do on this Earth.
Only now do I realise that I found what I am meant to be doing. And that is helping people. And through that, I give a lil bit more of myself. And soon, there'll just be no more for me to give. And its maybe because of that, that I always end up being alone. Even though I may love the person. Its like by them hurting me, it prevents me from hurting them in the future. And I guess that maybe things are this way because I am a burden to those who do care for me because I carry a lot of problems with me wherever I go. I carry the tears, joys, sorrows and everything else of other people. And I was meant to be a friend to all. And nothing more. Its not that I don't love some people more than others. I know that there will always be someone whom I'll really love. And the best I can do for that person is to be a friend. Nothing more and nothing less.
Yea, its painful at times. But I guess life wasn't mean to be a bed of roses for me. I find my joy in helping others. Without that, I'm almost nothing. Its the only thing that I can do right. Because I just seem to screw everything else up. And knowing that someone else's life is made easier because they were able to open up to me and unload their problems and everything else on, reassures me that I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
Darling, I'll still love you. But I know that what you need most right now, is a friend. And I promise you that I'll always be there for you. No matter what. Like I told you once before, though it my be painful at times, I'll still be there. I won't let you walk through life alone. And when you find someone who truly makes you happy, I'll be happy for you too. Don't worry about me. And you don't have to pretend to care for me. If you don't want to, you don't have to. You're not obligated to care or worry for me. As someone who cares a lot for you, I'm telling you to worry more for yourself. Figure out what you have to. And I hope you make your decision about me soon. And don't make the wrong decision. If you really want to let me go then do so, but if you don't then don't. I'm not going to force you to make a wrong decision. Its all up to you. I can't make the decision for you, no one can. Though I don't think that its the most important thing on your mind right now... Hahaz...I'll always love you.
There are two tragidies in life, one is losing your hearts desire, and the other, is gaining it.