Tuesday, December 05, 2006 @Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Darling,
You know that I really love you. But its hard not being able to talk to you. Painful even at times. And I don't know what to do. I really don't want to lose you. I know you're busy. And that you haven't been feeling well. I just really miss you. And maybe to you it may not be that painful. But for me, it really is. I know you have no intention whatsoever of hurting me. But yea. Somehow I'm being hurt. Maybe its just something that I've got to learn to deal with because next year I'll be very busy. I'm very afraid of losing you.
I guess now you realise that you love a child. And right now, I'm just really doubting the fact that you love me. It seems so hard for me to believe that. You know I won't stop worrying about you. It really isn't easy for me not to. I've never really loved someone this much before. So much that it hurts. Maybe its because I still am a child even though I won't admit it.
I don't want things to end. But I don't know how to not feel this pain. I just keep thinking that one day you'll just leave without saying anything to me. Maybe thats what I fear the most...You leaving me. You really mean so much to me. And now that my brother is off in Brunei and you're busy and not feeling well...I just feel more alone than I've ever had in a long time.
I know all this sounds rather depressing...But yea...If you read this, you don't really have to say anything to me about it if you don't want to...You could ignore it and I wouldn't mind. I'm just trying to get used to the fact that you can't always be there even if you wanted to or even if I wanted you to.
Love,
Freda...
Hahaz...Sounds rather stupid...I know darling...I just really had to put that hahaz there even though I don't feel like laughing