Thursday, January 11, 2007 @Thursday, January 11, 2007
How do I describe how I've been feeling?? I'm not exactly down, but neither am I happy. I'm not really heartbroken. But I miss someone a lot. I still feel pain, but its not as bad as it used to be. I'm still lost and confused. Somehow I find that hard to believe. I'm able to tell people what they should do and how and why. But I can't tell myself where to go from here. Its like I've been blinded by so much.
So much that I don't know.So much that I don't seem to understand. Its like as if I'm in a totally different world. A world where things are not as they seem to be. I wonder if the things that seem so complex are in actual fact so simple to figure out, that I just over look them. Maybe everything around me, has a simple answer, a simple solution. But I may have never thought of the simplest of solutions and answers. Maybe I just want things to be complex so I have a reason for being the way that I am.
Maybe I am the way I am because my heart refuses to let go of what it should. In the eyes of others, I should just forget about you and everything else that is bothering me. But somehow, to me, its just not that simple. Its like as if everything around me, every experience, every person, means too much to me to let go of them.
I can't help but remeber the times when things seemed so easy. Where life itself, was a playground. Where I could do anything and not care about anyone else. That childishness seems so far away. Although I know that it still exist deep down within me, I fear what I may become if it were to be unleashed. I fear the people I would hurt. And I fear that I may hurt myself.
I want to be in your arms. To feel your warm embrace. To know that I'll still be loved. No matter what life may throw my way. But I guess that its not meant to be. You left me so soon after this love began. I wonder if everything was true or false. If my heart was just a toy to you. I wonder now, how things would have been. If you had stayed with me for awhile longer.The times that I miss. How we would spend the day just sitting side by side. Those were the times which I knew you still loved me. And then the day had to come, The day for you to leave me. A day I knew had to visit for nothing good every last for long in my life. A love so new, destroyed by confusion. I saw my world come crumbling down. Alone in the darkness, once again. A never ending chapter in my life. The darkness that haunts me day and night. That never leaves my side. I await the day for my path to cross. Once again with destiny and fate. Where I hope and pray, that love will come my way. Who would have thought that I would write such things. Hahaz...