Sunday, February 04, 2007 @Sunday, February 04, 2007
Why do I feel the way I do??Shouldn't I be happier? I don't know why I feel like this. Sad, confused and hurt. Why? I miss you. But I know that if I still wait, I'll end up being hurt. Everyone's been telling me that its not worth it. That I've got nothing to stay for. That moving on is the best thing. And you told me to just move on. I want to. I really want to. I'd do anything to stop feeling the pain.
Everytime you ask if I'm ok, and I say I am, I think you know that I'm not...Hahaz...I just don't want you to bother about me.
The days seem to mean nothing to me anymore. I somehow still live in the past. Floating in all the memories. Letting the tears fall even when the reason's gone. The past that haunts my present. The pain that overwhelms me. My life seems to have lost its meaning. Others prosper from my pain. Thats how it was meant to be. To feel the pain that others felt.
But my faith is wavering. I feel so lost. I feel like a wanderer, drifting around with no sense of direction. A smile I have to plaster on in front of everyone. But the tears at fall beneathe it.
I wish the pain would really stop. I never thought that I'd be this hurt. I thought you meant it when you said that you didn't want to hurt me. But saying things and doing them, are two entirely different things. You said that too. I hoped that it never had to come to this, but sadly, it did. But I do realise, that you need to solve things that are in your life. And I know I should do the same with mine.