Tuesday, November 20, 2007 @Tuesday, November 20, 2007
I miss the times when I was younger than I am today, whereby I could run into my Mummy's arms crying and tell her all my problems and everything thats bothering me and she'll hug me and just tell me that everything's going to be alright.
I miss the times when everything seemed simple enough to do. And could be accomplised in a blink of an eye without any pressure.
I miss the days in which no one expected anything from me and I was free to be whoever I wanted to be. When the world didn't expect me to be a certain way and when I could choose who I wanted to be everyday.
I guess that sometimes in life, things will always change. Nothing will remain the same and no one's to blame. I apologised to a girl whom in my eyes, I didn't wrong, but I just felt bad for putting her through something she didn't have to go through. I received nothing in return. And thankfully, I expected nothing in return.
This life has taught me that when you give something, you shouldn't expect to get something back. That becomes what giving is supposed to be about. And expectations that we have, will not always be given unto us or accomplished therefore letting us down.
I've learned to live my life as simply as possible. Being thankful for the people I have in it and not expecting more because I am content with what I have and who I am. Sure it hurts to have people leave your life, but then it just calls for a new beginning. A new chapter in the story of our lives.
I spent most of my life, analysing people and the things they say and the way they say it. Sure I may be only 16, but I know what I know. And if people disregard the things I say because of my age, then they become the fool. Not me. I've encountered many people who feel that they don't have to answer my questions because I'm younger than them and because of age, they are superior to me. In 2005 or maybe 2006 I posted something on this blog. I said that maturity is defined as the number of experiences we've had and what we've learned from them and not the number of candles we've blown out, or something to that effect.
Recently, I met an interesting couple. The girl was a year older than me. The way she talked to me, it seemed like she thought that she was of a higher breed than me. Or of a certain superiority. I didn't like it, but I refrained from lashing out at her. I actually apologised for possibly offending her by the questions that I asked. Now, in the eyes of everyone who know about this, I am be bigger person and most probably the more mature one. But to give her credit, she delt with things rather well. Maybe I'm being smug about things. But its the way I truly feel.
The guy is 6 years older than me. I found that he had the mentality of a 5 year old. Sure he was business minded at times, but the way he reacted to things and the way he said things, it screamed childish! Most who know me personally know who I'm talking about in both instances. The guy had the odasity to compare experiences and such with me. He thought just because I was 16 and he way older than me, that he had experienced more. I would have begged to differ, but I let him have his 15seconds of glory and such. Everyone told me that this guy was never worth my time of even getting to know him because I was superior to him. I never needed his money because my family's quite well off. Even in terms of the command of the English language, I was superior and even I knew that.
You know, its not everyday that I rant and rave about other people, but these are people whom through their severe lack of maturity has changed the way I see things. And the way I view the importance of a romantic relationship in my life.
It was made clear to me, that guys who do not value my commitment and dedication to the relationship, is not worth the wait. That I did not have to wait for anyone because for every one guy I wait for, 3 others are waiting for me.
So the chapter in which I closed a few days ago was a chapter in which I learned a lot from and it changed my perception of things. It made me more confident of myself and of the power I have over people. It reminded me that I have the power to influence people wherever they are and that I can get people to believe me no matter what. It also reminded me that I should never take the words of others as gospel truth because that would be sheer stupidity.
And remember in the beginning of the post I was talking about the times I missed with my Mummy, this incident reminded me that although I do not run crying to my Mummy, she's still always there for me. And my Mum, ever the feminist that she is, will always teach me and my sister, that we Don't need a MAN by our side, to be complete or whole or strong because we are already all that.