Monday, December 10, 2007 @Monday, December 10, 2007
Thoughts of death and suicide used to consume my very soul. Everytime you left me hanging, I thought I might as well have been hanging from a rope, slowly dying away. When things ended, I told myself, it was for the best. You were my poision. With you gone, death left my side. My thoughts were clear. Nothing could bring me down. Sure, at times I think of what could have been. But everytime I think of you and what happened and what could have been, I get that sick feeling in my stomach that tells me that it would never have worked out. That feeling made me realise that my thoughts of death and suicide derived from the fact that I would have died if me and you had worked out. Things are better off this way, me and you, living our seperate lives. I know I don't need you in my life, its been so much better. Everyday is a new beginning for me now. My heart no longer feels the burden of being tied to something that was FAKE. I figured you out for the fake that you are. That all the words that came out of your mouth were lies. The world will agree with me when I say that I am better than you. The world will agree with me when I say that one day you will regret. And when that happens, I will not run back to you or embrace you the way I would have a long time ago. I would stand there and say that you've gotten what you deserved and that you don't deserve me because I deserve better. The world has shown me that you are below what I deserve. That no person in their right mind would ever treat me that way because I know I am a treasure to be kept in one's heart. There is no one else like me. Not many will care for someone they've never met. Not many will sacrifice their sleep and sanity for someone whom they've never seen or touched. I've done that. I've sacrificed my sleep, my sanity for you. I did that a long time ago. It went unappreciated. Now my gifts shall be used to help others. You are beyond my help for you have killed yourself without even knowing it. Ever wonder why such misfortunes always befall you? Take a look at yourself, at the lies you tell people, at the false hope you give unto others.