Sunday, February 10, 2008 @Sunday, February 10, 2008
So I haven't really been updating this blog. Its not that I don't have the time. Its just that my life is ridiculously boring. Excuse my spelling. Its never been a strong point of mine. Firstly, let me say, Happy Chinese New Year!
I went to Perth recently for like a break from the life I lead here in Singapore. But it ended up being no different. I was still as stressed as ever. It made no difference. I think because at times it was so dead there, I ended up thinking a lot. And I guess I've truly realised that I'm not the person I used to be. Like nowadays I couldn't care less about what happened to others, unlike the way it was before when everything would just affect me. But I guess for me its because I'm just so tired of caring.
My expericence with Danny last year really took everything out of me. Ever ounce of care and concern. It really drained me. So much so that even now I just feel so tired. Its been 4 months already and I'm just so tired. It even sucked out what little happiness I had within me. And things kept getting worse for me. The one guy I first loved even before I met all the other guys I dated, is the one guy that I am willing to wait for. And he's the one guy who treats me like a doormat. He walks in and out of my life as and when he feels like it. And yet I still love him. Don't get me wrong. I'm more than happy to be single. But because most of my friends are older than me, I tend to think about what will happen if I do decide to get married (for the time being I'm swearing off the idea of being married. I DON'T WANNA GET MARRIED! ) I keep wondering what might happen. I don't want to be married to any of the guys I currently know.
Recently someone new who heard about this whole thing about me and my first love told me that he might be the one I marry. But I don't want to be married to him. We're great for each other, but I don't want to lead a life with him as my husband. I don't think I'd be strong enough. I won't be able to handle him and all his vices. I want to help him, but I can't. He doesn't want to help himself. He doesn't have the will power to do so.
But for now, I'm happy having nothing too serious. I'm sorry if I haven't been much help to those around me with problems, I just no longer know how to help. Maybe one day I will learn how to again. But for now, my tongue has been cut out and no words come to mind for help.
Kindly Unspoken by Kate Voegele
As high as the moon
So high were my spirits
When you sang out my name
And coming from you
It was enough just to hear it
Oh, it rang like the bells did today
But even the sturdiest ground
Can shift and can tremble and let us fall down
Kindly unspoken
You show your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words
It's lucky I'm clever
Cause if I didn't know better
I'd believe only that which I'd heard
In the days of my folly
I followed your lead
Did what Simon Says to do
But I won't let melancholy
Play me for a fool
Oh, no I'm on my way somewhere new
And as far as your lack of something to say
Well, to tell me goodbye there was no better way
Kindly unspoken
You show your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words
It's lucky I'm clever
Cause if I didn't know better
I'd believe only that which I'd heard
So don't keep me up till the dawn
With words that'll keep leading me on
I know much better than to wait for an answer from you
Kindly unspoken
You show your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words
It's lucky I'm clever'Cause if I didn't know better
I'd believe only that which I'd heard