Saturday, May 24, 2008 @Saturday, May 24, 2008
I think being anti-social is like the best thing in the whole entire world. People don't get that currently, I am serious about my work. I don't like getting B's and C's. I like doing well. And if they'ev ever been where I've been in life, they'd understand why that is so. I choose to be alone. And if at the end of the day no one likes me in school, so be it. I've still got my family, and my best friends. I am different, I know. Maybe not in a good way to some of the people in school, I may appear arrogant, too full of myself, snobbish, obnoxious and well, the list just continues. But honestly, I don't really care. Everything I do in school, is just a mask I wear. They haven't seen what I've been through. And I'm not talking about love life and such. Sure, you guys have had tough family situations from time to time, I have to. It doesn't mean that because I live in East Coast and live in a Condo that I have no problems. If anything, I believe that although we don't worry much about the material stuff, its still a struggle in other ways.
I don't consider people my friends very easily because I know that we are all capable of backstabbing, and to some people, it just comes way too easily. I can care for so many people, but at the end of the day, who are the ones who will really be there for me? I know that in Poly, I won't make that many life time friends. In fact, I haven't made any lifetime friends who are in the same school as me. Friends like Claudia, Jolin, Camille and Gabriel are the ones who I know will always be there for me. Sure they won't drop everything that they're doing and come for me when times get rough, but I know that they will help. I know that they are the one's who will be there with my family when times get rough. I don't need that many friends because I've got such a close family. Thats why I love being with them, I love being with my friends and being able to talk to them and my family about anything and everything. Thats what makes my life such a joy, what makes my life so fun and exciting and enjoyable. My life, is not an open book, I'm not an open book. To the people who know me well, they'll be able to tell when I'm sad, angry or anything, even when I've got my most convincing smile on and everyone else believes that my life is just a bed of roses.
I know I sound like a spoilt brat. I know I like having things my way. But I am still learning. Learning to compromise with the people in my life. The people who don't know that I'd rather suffer than to make them sad or upset. I'd rather I suffer than to have so many others suffer. Loads of people don't understand that. I am the way I am because of the experiences I've gained thoughout my short 16 + years of living on this earth. Nothing has come easy. I know so much because I've gained that much. I'm not smart, I don't act smart, I talk about the things I know. About the things I want to know. But I'll never take it as absolute truth that I know everything, because I know that there are things that I still don't know. Things that in time, I will know.
To the people in school who may be talking about me behind my back, just come right out and say it. I don't really care. Its too tiring to care about people who don't have the guts to just come right out and say what they want to say. I'm way too tired to play this silly little game. And I think that we should all just be brutally honest with each other. I don't really care 'cause I've been stepped on so much in my life, that I know I'll be able to pick myself up again and just move on. It'll make no difference in my life.