Wednesday, May 07, 2008 @Wednesday, May 07, 2008
So I shall blog about the random mundane things that normal people usually blog about.
My school life's been kinda alright. Better than what I had expected it to be. Met a great bunch of people. They make the school day interesting and help me deal with the stress of the task at hand in school. At first I thought that I'd just die because school was so far away and I'd be too grouchy everyday to even bother with merry making, but suprise suprise, I haven't been that grouchy in school. Sure I get tired and irritable, but not to the extent that I used to. I'll upload pictures some other time.
To be terribly honest, I haven't been feeling that good. Life's been one mishap after the next. Lucky is gone. My dog is gone. And I still feel the pain. Its been a few weeks since he died. And I miss him so much. I told myself that I had to pull myself together, that school isn't the place for me to cry and deal with it all. But I feel myself falling apart.I know I've got a great bunch of friends in school. I know that they care. But I don't know if they can deal with this side of me. The person I appear to be with them, and the person I truly am, they're two completely different people. I feel myself taking so many steps back to who I used to be. I can feel that smile plastered on my face, that same smile that I stuck there when my world was in a mess. I've been holding in the tears for so long, I'm falling apart. Who will help put me back together this time? I need to leave behind someone so dear to me, someone who's always been there to put me back together again. I can't hold on to this dream in my mind that I know may never come true. If it really never happens, I don't know what will happen to my heart if I stay here and wait for it. I don't want to have to mend my heart once again. I've done it so many times.
Lucky, I miss you. I love you. Rest In Peace. I'm sorry.