Tuesday, June 03, 2008 @Tuesday, June 03, 2008
So I realised that my closed chapter in my life like early this year isn't really close. I still have loads of anger and resentment towards the whole event. Some of you may not know what or who I'm talking about right now. But that doesn't matter. You shouldn't have to know. I guess loads of things have been prompting me to think on like overdrive. I can't help but feel that I'm being lied to by someone because well, a picture paints a thousand words right? So yea. I am not coherrent so excuse the randomness of this post. Its basically loads of ranting and raving so if you're not in the mood to hear or rather read someone complain, then for your safety and sanity I implore you to leave before you go mad the way I already have.
Yes people, I think that Freda has finally lost her mind. That currently she's crazy and brainless and stupid and gullible and oh well...the list actually continues. I just have to get all this out before I start working when my dad(a.k.a the Boss) gets in. I just feel so out of it and even outcasted in school. I guess its cause I'm out of the loop most of the time. I know don't whats going on in the group and I feel rather ostricised. But maybe I'm to blame. Afterall, I'm the one who's been keeping myself out. But thats only cause I felt like a strong sense of hatered coming from the group and I felt that I'd put up with enough of such things in my everyday life during my 16 +years of living. I didn't want to go through that even in school. It kinda just seemed real sucky to me. But yea. Maybe that explains my being MIA from the group. I don't know if its a blessing in disguse to you guys, but if it as, just tell me and I'll stay away. Believe me, I can do that if it means that you guys will be happier. I don't think I'd wanna upset a whole group of people, it wouldn't be right.
Yes people, I've got a huge guilty conscious. Its really sucky when I want to do somehting terrible and horrible because then I know that I'm not being the real me. Yea I'm bitchy from time to time, but what girl isn't. I think that I do pick up on loads of things real quickly thats why I sensed some tension everytime I was around and therefore took myself out of the whole equation. And if its better that way, like I said, I'll stay out. It hurts but if its for the better of more people, that I shall do it.
Don't you guys just love my self-sacificing ways? Hahaz..I do too! Joking. But yea. I like knowing that I'm no longer thinking about myself, but of more people. Its a comfort. It tells me that I'm becoming a better human being, a better person. Sure I like a good party and I drink from time to time, but its all done socially, its not like I'm some alcoholic. Hahaz. Yes, I do like meeting new people. But then again when I meet new people, I'm all smiles and thats really not me. I'm usually...not the most...smile-iest of people? Hahaz. Yea if you see my sitting by myself like some loser loner, I think you've met the real me. If I'm real engrossed in a book, it kinda means that I need an escape and that something somewhere is really really wrong. I think that kinda explains the 8 books read last month.Yea. I felt something wrong from the week after the BBQ we had at my place the other time. Money isn't important, thats why I didn't ask for it back. I like the company. Thats why I still said okay to the idea even though it was only a few of us.
Anyways, take care people.