Sunday, August 17, 2008 @Sunday, August 17, 2008
Our lives are like paintings, painted by God. He added all the colours. Each colour is a person. We are the masterpiece, what makes us up, is the people who are there to love and support us through all that we go through. Today, I'm glad that God has added so many beautiful colours in my painting. I've been conflicted lately, though thats a huge understatement and no it has nothing to do with my (ex) classmates. This is a matter of the heart, as is anything that can drive me mad.
Two very different guys, one here in Singapore the other, in a land far away. I've been through so much with one and I barely know the other. One would be willing to do almost anything for me just so he can see me smile, but I don't know about the other. One would still care if I told him that me and him should go on a break for a while because I'm confused because he cares about me that much, I don't know what the other would do or where things will take me and him. One would smile like everything's okay and that he's alright with my decision to do this though inside he'd be crushed, the other may not care. One would catch me if I were to fall, he'd actually do anything so that I wouldn't stumble, I don't know if the other would bother.
I know it seems that there's a very obvious answer to my predicament. But that One, is in a land far away, my heart is always with him kinda literally since he got something with a heart on it for me, but I love him too much to put him through this again and I know if I don' say anything, it'd be another lie that I can't keep a hold on. I love my One, its true. But I'm 17, I'm kinda allowed to be kinda undecided when it comes to guys rather than just commiting to one. Especially that One who, although cares for me, has broken my heart loads of times by going out with other girls who are actually in that land far away. But I don't think I can do that to him.
Thanks Jean, for listening to me, you're one of my best friends that I've made in quite sometime. And so far, you've been the one with the time to listen to me because we're in the same school.
Claudia,you're the bestest best friend remember? I owe you a lot, you've been there for me for ages. Through almost all ages. Haha if you get what I mean. Your birthday's coming up and I've got to go out to get your gifts together. Haha. But you're the best friend I could've only wished for. Don't worry love, I understand the situation you're in, and I'd never say that you didn't care because I know what its like to be where you're at.
Jolin, I love you babe, you're there for me to rant and rave though you've got your O's this year and you're one of the few who would make as much time for me if it happens to fall within your busy schedule, kinda like the way I used to treat you and I'm sorry for that. Hahaz. I know where you're at right now. I've been there. I was there last year. Keep all distractions away babe, if not, Learn To Partition.
Gabe, you're in Uni now, so not much time to grab Ice Cream with me and see the problems written all over my face and spent the rest of the night trying to get me to talk. Hahaz. And I don't get to see your far away "I'm thinking real deep now" look anymore. Haha. We're getting to caught up in our lives. Hahaz. I blame school, though I know you secretly love it. Hahaz.
Camille, I miss you wing, I haven't seen you in a while. And I know you're like waiting for the day for me to complain and rant and rave about everything to you again, but you know that day won't come anytime soon because right now you need me to be your listening ear. And don't worry babe, even if I were in love or not, I will listen, its more difficult to advise, but I'll listen because I think I deserve my chance at happiness sometimes too. Doesn't mean I don't care. Just means that my love gets around more I guess.
My family, you're always there, Brian, Faith. Always there to protect me from the asses all around. I know you've always got my back. Thats kinda what siblings are for. I miss spending time with you, just the 5 of us and sometimes just the sibs together. Its been awhile. Just us and no one else. You're always there to put me in my place and to guide me. And Guidance is what I seek and need from time to time. Now more often than not and I'm forever thankful and greatful for always having you guys there. I'm indeed blessed.
These are the colours in my life, the people God has painted into my life, the significant colours whom without I'd have been lost, I wouldn't be here. I may be in school and distant, but I know who are the important ones. I always will know because they're the ones who make life worth living, who make my days interesting and worthwhile. I'm thankful that God chose each and every one of you to walk this path with me. That in this, we're each fulfilling a destiny that was mapped before us.