Monday, October 27, 2008 @Monday, October 27, 2008
Sometimes I wish you’d understand that this isn’t really easy for me. To be honest, I’ve liked you as more than a friend for close to 2 years. Everytime you break my heart, I still forgive you. You tell me that you care, but your actions tell me otherwise. And now I’m caught between loving you and staying here waiting, or moving on. I want soooo much to move on, but my heart and my feet just won’t allow it. I stand here rooted to the ground and watching you go and do what you want with your life, to go and explore and I’m trying/ struggling not to let my opportunities pass me by. It tears me up inside knowing that eventually you’ll continue with life and continue walking forward and I’ll be left here waiting. And my whole life, I’ve always been the one waiting for someone, the one wanting someone and its never been the other way round and it sucks really. But I’ve been blessed with the strength to do so. No other girl in their right mind would wait for someone for 2 years. When something goes wrong, you talk to me and I’m there listening. This year when I told you that I love you, when you told me that you love me, its something I waited sooo long to hear and it made me so happy but I know that you don’t really mean it. You don’t lie to me, but you don’t tell the truth either. I ask you something and you just don’t answer or you think it’s a joke, but its not. NO to me at least. All I want now is to close this chapter in our lives so that we can go back to just being friends and I can move on with my life. But I can’t! And I don’t know why.