Thursday, January 01, 2009 @Thursday, January 01, 2009
I've been trying to just ignore everything that's been happening, everything that I'm feeling. And its just not working. I try to ignore the things you say that usually stirs up a reaction and I'm just so tired of it all. I just think that you should know. I'll tell you. I want to tell you so badly, but the words just won't come out of my mouth. I spent the whole time I was with you alone trying to tell you, but they just wouldn't come. It hurts because I know I shouldn't. And you mean more to me as a friend than anything more than that.
I've changed the course of things, I can feel the change. You may try telling me that it doesn't change anything, but my confession changed a huge deal of things. I feel more miserable because all the time I feel like I should be kicking myself for telling you. I contemplated telling you for months. I need to ask you if all that happened meant anything to you. If it didn't, I'll graciously walk out of your life now. It'll kill me inside, but its better that way for you. Don't tell me that you want me in your life, if you treat me that way and then tell me it means nothing. I can't live that way and you shouldn't live that way.