Friday, February 20, 2009 @Friday, February 20, 2009
Heal my heart and make it clean Open up my eyes to the things unseenShow me how to love like you have loved meBreak my heart from what breaks yoursEverything I am for your kingdoms causeAs I go from nothing to Eternity-Hosanna by Hillsong United.
I've forogtten how to love people. I used to say that the one thing that defined who I am, is my ability to love and care for anyone. People used to tell me that I had a beautiful heart because no matter how unfair life has been to me, I've always been able to open up my heart to anyone and everyone and love them and care for them.
All I want now is for my heart to be healed. I've been hurt by people whom I never expected to hurt me. Or rather by someone. But I keep blaming myself because it is afterall my fault. I try to be the happy person people are so used to seeing. That bubbly girl who can put a smile on anyones face. All I do now is make life difficult for the people in my life. I no longer know who I am anymore. What used to define who I was, is completely lost now. I've been carrying around this burden for so long. I can't open up to anyone. The one person I want to open up to hates me. I don't know how I managed to hurt soemone who cared so much for me.
Emman, you're one of the few people I'd trust with anything because you always understand no matter what. You'd put your problems aside to deal with mine. Thats what I love about you. You're an amazing friend. You will always mean more to me as a friend than anything else. We were the type of friends that would fall into sync in a heartbeat even if we haven't seen or talked to each other in ages. Here and now, I lie in my bed typing this out crying because I know I did a lot of stupid things that have most probably ended our friendship. And I can't deal with that. Hence the crying. You've always told me not to worry about you, but thats what friends do, they worry and look out for each other. You may not think twice about the way I am now, but you're still a friend whom in my books, is still worth my time and thoughts. Don't forget that you're more amazing that what you give yourself credit for. Most of my friends probably hate you because of whatever's happened, but I'll always love you as a friend. You're worth the time and effort no matter what everyone else may tell you otherwise. Take care my dear friend. And I meant the things I told you about not being able to just forget you.