Thursday, March 05, 2009 @Thursday, March 05, 2009
So I think that Freda has become Freda again. Or at least I think so.
I recently returned to Church about a week ago or something like that. I feel less skeptical and hopeless. I've made my peace with loads of people.
Right now the only thing that is bothering me is my "presidential" duties. Loads of stress and I'm having a tough time coping with everything going on. I keep procrasitnating till like the last minute.
Right now I'm just more stressed out than anything else.
My love life is like a zero right now. I still think about whatever's happened before. Images of a particular night still haunts me everytime I close my eyes cause I feel betrayed and stupid. Hahaz. But like I said before in numerous post. Its not easy just forgetting. Like loads of people already know that I don't forget things very easily. I familiarise myself with people so well that I can tell who is who just by looking a the back of their heads. Its quite weird I know. But its only cause I notice close to everything about everyone.
I miss the solitude that I once enjoyed. One whereby my surroundings didn't drive me crazy. Now I've got to find somewhere else other than my own home thanks to that night. Bleah. And I thought I was over it all. Maybe I'm just irritated that I remember it all so clearly. Its not fair to either parties I know. But I'm just seriously unable to forget it. I've tried. I've tried to make it seem like its insignificant, but what one of my friends said to me keeps playing in my mind when I see that image in my mind, " You're his friend. If he had any respect for you, he wouldn't have done that to you."
I'm just so afraid that I'll never be able to reconcile things properly. Being able to talk to you is one thing. Forgetting that that night happened is another.