Tuesday, June 30, 2009 @Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I wish I could say that I am that friend who is always there for you.
But it seems like no matter how much I want to, you've shut that door.
Nothing but the passing hellos and goodbyes.
I look at you and think that life hasn't been fair.
Someone like you shouldn't have been dealt that horrible hand.
I needed you to need me as a friend,
Because for a long while, that was what defined me as me.
I was the girl who was friends with the people who never opened up to anyone.
I made people like that open up to me.
But now it seems that I can't be that person anymore.
Its like life's telling me that its not who I'm supposed to be.
Who then am I supposed to be?
You've always understood me more than I've understood myself
Can you help me?
I feel like all the time, I'm making things worse.
If I can't help, then why am I here?
I feel this pull that I can't get away from.
You hold me without touchYou keep me without chainsHow do you do that?
Its not that I don't want to be here
Its that I don't know what I'm doing here anymore.
I used to have a purpose
I used to be driven
But now I just stare at an empty void of what used to be when I look at myself in the mirror
The kinda friends we were, you can't find that anywhere
No one reads my mind the way you do
I used to be able to see right through you
But now I don't even see you
And once again, that mask goes on.
For both me and you.
To the people who read my blog and actually know me, this is not about some random new guy or anything like that. My posts for the past year has been about the same person. All the time. Its not easy. But heck, lifes a bitch. I'm not in love, not romantically at least, just the love you share with friends. Apparently I've a huge issue with things like that. Haha.