Life keeps throwing me curve ball after curve ball and I keep trying to avoid it, but maybe the best solution is to face it head on. I keep trying to run away from things like, friends, and school and IG, but maybe the best thing to help all this is to just tell it as it is. No censorship especially to those who are directly involved. I keep sugar coating everything.

Claudia said that I've crappy taste in guys, that though I fall for musicians, I always fall for those who have problems or are problematic. Gabriel agrees, saying that I'm a sucker for such guys. And come to think of it, I agree. I've never like not fallen for someone who plays a musical instrument and has problems with family, friends or ex-es. I think I'm a magnet for such guys. But hopefully things get better for me.

I mean, although I feel that my life is not ready for me to date someone, I want to eventually have someone to love and have someone love me the same way I love them. And although I know that love isn't a 50-50 thing, I just hope that it will be somewhere close to that because honestly speaking, I don't think my heart can take much more pain. I know that I'm stronger that I think I am, and that I've withstood so many trials and tribulations, but there is always a limit to anything. I know that my life is not incomplete just because I don't have a significant other, but having a significant other would add another dimension to my already full life, which honestly, I don't mind at all. It just makes my life that much more balanced. And I think now that I'm more open with my family, I'm reaching the point in my life where maybe I will find the right person who is willing to work though the many difficulties that being with me will entail.

I know that there's no such thing as Mr. Perfect, but I know that at the end of the day when push comes to shove, it will always be God first, family next, then friends, then my significant other and finally everything else. Ministry work and prayer life will always be number one in my books, though sometimes I may lose sight of that. My family will always come after God but before everything else, because they're my family, they are the ones who will always be there to catch me when I fall and dust me off and set me on the right track again. And the handful of true friends that I have, I'm ever thankful, they're people whom I wouldn't compromise to make someone else happy. My significant other will come before my other work because I can always find something else to do because I know I'm good in what I do. I can always bend my time around other people, I always do that anyway, so adding another person will just mean more time management. I pray that when God sends me someone, He sends someone who is willing to work and compromise with me and my schedule and that I will gain the patience and understanding to do the same for him, whoever he may be :)

I guess, what made me think of all this is coming to the realisation that all my friends close ones and not so close ones all have found a fairly significant other. And even though I'm happy for them, I can't help but feel envious of them because they've got someone other than their family and friends who cares about them as much if not more than they care for the other. Hmmmm...but I believe when the time is right, I'll find the right one, or rather God will send me the right one :) I think God understands that my heart can't take much more pain. Especially with everything that's' happened this year. Me thinks that me heart still needs time to completely mend.

God bless to whoever is reading this :)

xoxo