I'm not the person I appear to be to myself, I'm much worse and yet much better. I do amazing things for the people whom I love and care for, but I am evil to those I couldn't give a damn about. Being tired has nothing to do with anything. I am just generally like that. There are days whereby the people I do care about become the people I couldn't give a damn about. It gets tough to keep looking out for that line, but sometimes I just don't see it. Its always that one fine wire. I feel that I'm balancing between two states of being, but I'm just too afraid to fall to either one. I don't know if this is a situation which is actually simple, which I'm twisting and turning it into one big mess, but I do know that I am confused with tonnes of things.

I usually stand firm by my actions as well as beliefs. I rarely waver because I've got will power that no one could ever expect from someone like me. I'm not the person people think I am, I'm not weak the way some people think I am, but I do fear sometimes that I am too strong. Sometimes I wonder if its because I see things from so many different angles that I'm forgetting to take things from my own perspective. Seeing and analyzing something for myself, makes me almost beyond reasonable doubt believe in what I've seen and concluded simply because I tend to rationalize things in almost every way possible. There is rarely a perspective that's been brought to me that I haven't seen things from before. And I always stand by what I believe in. Or thats how it used to be.

I just pray that I get some clarity soon.