But yea, you know how the books are written in such a way whereby almost everyone feels they can relate to the characters? Yea, I'm finally getting it.

Its like, for me at least, once you've hurt someone, there's no way you're ever going to forget it. The first thing you think of when you see that person even though you've agreed to put it behind you, is that you've hurt them before and that you just really can't completely forgive yourself for it. I'm there, I've been there. And my friends keep telling me that I should let myself let go and just forget about it, but I can't and I don't know how to. I may act and seem like I have, but I can't forgive myself. As much as it was his fault, it was also mine and I most probably hurt him more than he hurt me and I just can't stand it. My friends who read this will most probably tell me to just get over it, and I know that I should, but knowing something thats good for you and everyone else, and really executing it are two completely different things. Just because you know its the right thing to do doesn't make it easier to carry it out. Sometimes because you can see it, it makes it that much more difficult to accomplish it. You know the consequences, thats why you can't do it. I don't know why I can't forgive myself. I don't know why I'm putting myself and all my close friends through this, but I just can't. I don't know how to. Its like, its my fault and I'll always have to carry it with me.

Gosh, see why I hate the Twilight books. It always just screws me up. Just when I've deluded myself enough into thinking that I'm fine and that I've nothing let keeping me down, the books just open up the flood gates and now I'm back at square one. DAMN IT!!!!!