Forgive me for being in one of my moods, maybe its the lack of food.

I've always wanted music to be part of my life, and I don't think there'll be a day whereby I wish it away. I love singing and everything that has to do with music. But I miss the times when I sang because it made me happy and not because its what others needed me to do or expected of me.

Sometimes I feel like we live in this world filled with hope and expectations, but if the person who is hoping and expecting never takes and makes that first move, what progress will there be. We'd just be a bunch of idiot standing around HOPING for change, and for a better life.

I don't know how the whole thing jumped from music to the helplessness of the world, but yea...And now we go back to smiling.

I smile a lot in my life, or at least I think I smile a lot, it helps fool people, it helps make people feel comfy around me because believe it or not, I am a fairly intense and intimidating person when I'm not smiling or chatty. So it makes me wonder how much people are hiding under their smile. I don't know if I read people well or if I'm just luck to see their facade slip when they think no one is looking. But smiles never really fool me. I've seen a few genuine smiles in my short 18 years, but so many are laden with secrets and pain and sorrow, I just don't know how to react, because it always seems so wrong to just let it be.

But it seems that nowadays when I try to do something, it always back fires, I always end up being hurt and in some corner crying or moping or just existing rather than living my life! Gosh, how did I become this shadow of a person.