Friday, October 09, 2009 @Friday, October 09, 2009
You know, sometimes I wonder what really defines us. I mean, in school you learn that like what defines you is a mix of many things. But I really wonder what is that ONE thing that makes us who we are. There have been so many times whereby I'm talking to someone and then realise that what I thought was unique to me, is not that unique, that it was more common than I thought it was. I wonder if anyone actually like reallly questioned themselves about this. It makes me laugh, yet a tiny bit uncomfy.
I think that Jack's Mannequin songs make me think a lot, and I listen to tonnes of this stuff, like both of his albums are in my laptop.
Its such a beautiful day and here I am wondering about something like that. But I really don't understand what defines us, what truly defines us. I just feel like if I can't define who I am, I won't be able to know what I want to do. Gabe says that deep down I know what I really do with my life, but how can it be so clear to someone but not clear at all to me. I fell like my whole life is like one big mess and I'm like spinning around and I don't exactly know where I'm going or what I'm doing or what I even want. I mean, for the past few months I've been saying, I don't know, and I been unable to make any decisions whatsoever. It gets a little frustrating for me and my friends because I used to be the one who decided what I we were going to do and all of us would have fun.
Sometimes I wonder if its because I've lost all confidence in myself. Did you know that I walk around with my eyes on the ground more often now? I used to walk around with self-confidence, so much confidence that it almost always seemed like arrogance to people. But now it seems like, I'm seeking for some kind of approval of sorts from people whose opinions I don't really cherish at all and it all just seems so pointless to me!