I just unearthed some presents from my birthday last year. The birthday was awesome, but things from then till now have changed a great deal. I think in essence I have less friends now than at the beginning of the year. I'm actually questioning if I even do have friends right now.

I mean, no one is to be blamed, friendship's a two way street, I haven't made enough time for anyone this year besides music and I think everyone else has been kinda overwhelmed with school and stuff we just started losing sight of what was important. I'm not trying to sound righteous, I think I'm the lease righteous person that I know. Despite people always looking to me for answers, my actual state of mind and being is the exact opposite. I don't have answers for myself, maybe thats why things are so difficult sometimes.

I wish I could say that I was happy this year, but that would be a lie. I felt more than what I let on. What people saw, despite it being bad was only a fraction of what I felt. There was so much more I just couldn't put in words. When someone whom I thought was turning out to be a good friend suddenly told me not to talk to him anymore, I felt like I'd been let down again, and not only that, but abandoned. He was the only friend I had then who could meet me anytime I needed him and I thought I was there for him too, but apparently he thought I was trying to make him sever ties with someone else, and I was angry at first. But now, I'm just sad that our friendship turned out that way.

I barely saw my best friend,Claudia, this year, but I can't blame her for that because she had a major exam this year. And as a best friend I just had to accept that, and support and encourage her and just be there for her. My other good friends were busy with school. Jolin had just started her first year in poly when I had somewhat of a breakdown, but then it got better, and she got really busy in her later part of school. As for Gabe, I saw him quite often, just that I still couldn't tell him everything.

I don't know.