I have a friend, who is always happy and smiling and cheering me up, well I've got quite a number of friends like that, and most people around them believe that smile. They believe that what they see is what is true, because how can someone so happy be so sad. But people open up to me and tell me things, tell me when something goes wrong in their family, in their relationships with other people and I think to myself, "These are amazing people, why do these things happen to them?"

And then I have friends who are as cold as ice and as hard as the hardest stone you can ever find. People think that they're heartless and unemotional. But then I always see the other side of them, because they choose to. And I find the reason why, and it breaks my heart.

I've been so blessed in my life, to have the family I have, I may not always understand why certain things are done in a certain way, but I do know that I wouldn't trade my family for anything in this whole entire world though at times I may think I do. Things get difficult, feelings get hurt, me and my family, we're complete drama mamas'. We can make a mountain out of a speck of dust. But I love them nonetheless.

I see the life I have, the life I've led and I can't help but be amazed at my family's willingness to sacrifice. Even now, when my school is like ages away from my home, and when I'm always in school having practices or meetings and I end late, my mum or brother or dad, will take that 30 -45 minute drive to come all the way down to pick me up and send me home. Or on nights when I've got double practices, to pick me up and send me to church. Having this much love in my family, this much care and concern for one another, I can't help but show some of that to the people in my life.

There are adults I know who have tonnes of regrets in their lives, but so far in my 18 years of life, after thinking and reflecting last night, I have almost no regrets. I only have one and that is screwing up a friendship, but even that is on its way to mend itself. I went for mass with my sister and mum yesterday, and I felt surrounded by love. I finally found my joy for singing again. I heard the first choir I ever joined, sing praises to God. And though I know the road is long and winding and rough, I know that my family will always be there, and so will God.

I was thinking this morning about how my life will change if I were to move away from Singapore and study somewhere else and eventually live there. I know I will get home sick, no matter how little time I spend with my family nowadays. I know it will be tough and I know I will get scared, but I know I shouldn't let fear come between me and what will eventually be good for me. Most people think that I wanna get out of Singapore because my lifestyle doesn't suit this place, but its not just that, I just think that I've done so much here and gotten so far, that I need to expand somewhere else. I think that I've done about as much growing here as I can possibly do and staying here will stifle my growth as a person. I don't need to find myself, I know who I am. I don't need to find what I love because at the end of the day, God will guide me through it.