Friday, June 11, 2010 @Friday, June 11, 2010
I was just reading some of the things I've written in my personal diary. My written diary, and I realised that I always think I'm better off alone.
I want to be in a relationship, I want to be in love.
I want to have someone here to cheer me up, make me feel like everything is gonna be fine.
I want someone who will support my decisions, someone who will sit and rationalize through the choices I will have to make in my life.
I want someone who isn't intimidated by my family stucture and our background.
I want someone who will be there for me when it feels like the whole world has turned its back on me.
I want someone who won't mind my constant ramblings.
I want someone my best friend will approve of.
I want a great many things from just one person
And I don't think that one person can be that great many things for me.
I require a lot of attention and I know that.
But I think that I'd just be content watching the person I love, be happy.
Something else I wrote during spiritual prep for the concert last year
I feel that sometimes I keep myself in the dark, not wanting to be in a place where everything can be seen. The Light is scary, intimidating, but yet warm and welcoming. I've been running away for so long, distracted by the hustle and bustle of everyday life and I just regressed into my shell to be alone in the darkness. A place where I can hide my flaws from myself and those around me.
I'm so afraid of being in The Light and testifying to the things I've seen and done and said and thought. I'm just scared.
Everyone gets scared at some point. I think I get scared more often than not. But for today at least, I'm not afraid to say that I want to be loved by someone other than my family and friends. I'm not afraid to say that I have soo many flaws that most people don't even see. I'm not afraid of admitting that I am afraid despite what other people may think. I'm afraid of running through my life, ever stopping to see that there is someone else beside me who is running at just that same speed so they can be in my life.