Wednesday, July 28, 2010 @Wednesday, July 28, 2010
This life doesn't always give us what we want. We rarely get what we want, always what we need. The past few days have been difficult for me to want to live, just when all I wanted to do was crawl into a corner and die, I remembered that I can't do what I want because I've to live for the people in my life. Leaving all these wonderful people in the lurch, having them blame themselves, I couldn't possibly do that to them. Placing yourself in the shoes of others before doing anything, really helps put things in perspective for you. I can't give up on living because people need me in this life, and I can't let them down. Its not wise, living your life for someone else. But I found out a long time ago that my capacity to love and care for people, goes beyond what a normal girl my age should be able to. It doesn't matter how much you've hurt me in the past, how much you've hurt the people in your life, because at the end of the day, if you need a friend and you need someone to love you, I'm gonna be there, just like I always promised. You can go out and ruin your life, come back broken, and I'll still be there to love you. You can break my heart and still I'll be there when you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to make you laugh.
I learned a long time ago that I smile more than I want to. I smile because it helps the people around me. It helps them to know that I've made it through all the trails life has thrown my way and because of that, I'm a stronger person. I know I'm so much stronger than I give myself credit for, people look at me and see my strength to do a great many things, I look at myself and see someone on the brink of breaking down. No one said life would be easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard, that it would hurt so much.
I miss having that one friend who would tell me not to smile just because I had to. Who would sit and watch me cry and understand. I miss him a great deal, I miss just having him there, life seems to pull us in opposite directions.