Saturday, September 17, 2011 @Saturday, September 17, 2011
My Heart Is Split ~ Kerrigan-Lowdermilk
It happens every now and then
I hear the words I need to hear
Coming from the the tiny speakers
That I've shoved into my ears
The crickets setting the tempo
The wind dancing across my skin
Reminding me of conversations
Summer nights when I stayed in
Back home, before I moved
Back home, before I got here
Back home, with the people who loved me my eighteen years
My heart is split
Between home and here
I'm cut in half
Two beds, two lives and I live in between
My porch back at home, and this strange new world I knit
My heart is split
As sudden as the onset of winter
As natural as the trail mix they all eat
This untamed and icy place I live
Has swept me off my size five feet
I read non-stop to quell the absence
I drink too much, I fall in love too fast
Obsessively collecting songs and details
Nothing's gone but nothing's lasting
Back home, before I moved
Back home, before I got here
Back home, with the people who loved me my eighteen years
My heart is split
Between home and here
I'm cut in half
Two beds, two lives, and I live in between
My porch back at home, and this strange new world I knit
My heart is split
My heart is split
I'm home but I'm still here
I'm cut in half
Two beds, two lives, and I live in between
My porch, and this strange new world I knit
My heart is split
My heart is split
It happens every now and then
I hear the words I need to hear
Coming from the tiny speakers
That I've shoved into my ears
Of late, this is one of the songs I relate to. Its not that I'm completely homesick, but I do long for the company I had back home. The people who've surrounded me my whole life. Sometimes I feel like I've become so comfortable with the familiar that I refuse to go out and mingle with the unfamiliar. But that's no way for me to live my life. I am torn, I miss my friends and family, but at the same time, I feel like being away and trying to live on my own is a good thing. Like it's a good change. One that I've been very blessed to go through with my best friend haha. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without her.
This past Friday was my Grandmother's birthday. And it was a shocking reminder as to how most of the birthdays of the people I love will be celebrated with me over the phone only. Its crazy. Its a Saturday night and I'm home....How different is that from my life back home in Singapore? haha... Mum was just saying that I should just concentrate on my studies here then just go home and live it up, drink all I want and party as much as I want.
There are definitely things that I wish I could just merge to make my life perfect, but life was never made to be perfect, if not then what's the point of living. I guess this is just a brand new phase in my life. One that I'm transitioning into really slowly. Slower than what most people expected of me. But I'm sure I'll get by :) God never places anything in front of me which I cannot overcome. With Him, all things are possible :)