Wednesday, April 11, 2012 @Wednesday, April 11, 2012
I guess you know that you're growing up when you stop crying over boys and start crying over missing home and your family.
I keep playing back events from the past week or so that would never have happened if I were back home in Singapore. I keep thinking about the mistakes I may make simply because I know that no one will know unless I tell them. I'd love to believe that my parents raised me to know the difference between right and wrong and more often than not I think I do know the difference, but of late, the line between the two seems to be blurry.
I know all of us have to leave home someday and that it'll be a test to see if we sink or swim. I think I've still got little floaties on cause technically I haven't been alone, I've had Bestie here with me through it all.
Today I've been thinking about snuggling in bed between my mum and my sister, and driving around with my brother or just sitting on the sofa watching tv with my dad or listening to my grandmother ramble on about anything and everything. Being home alone in a relatively quiet space...makes me miss the little things that make a house a home.
I most probably have said this before, but being here in Australia is like existing and not living. I guess I still have to forge my own path for myself the way I did in Singapore. It's like learning to be yourself all over again, only in a completely new environment. I'm starting to realize that I most probably feel like I'm just existing instead of living because here in Australia I'm missing a fairly huge chunk of who I am. For the most part of my life, I've been defined by what I do in church and what I did in school, all of which revolved around what I did with music. Here in Australia I've yet to find an avenue for my music which makes Australia feel like less of a home for me.
But still, there is a difference in my life between last semester and this semester. Though I still think there's room for improvement. I should start going back to church properly and find a place for my music.